Fond as I was of Karen, and I was fond of Karen, there was something in her that brought the bully out in me. I liked to dominate her, sometimes even make her cry, just a little, and then make her pleasure me. Early on, there was an occasion when I went there to her flat and she was in trousers and t shirt, with no make up, and I was furious with her. “How dare you - you little slut - you are not fit to be seen, let alone fucked” I roared at her. She stood, shocked, and then her face crumpled, tears flowing. “Please, I’m sorry” she whimpered, I wasn’t feeling too good I.. ”. “That's enough - no excuses you dirty little whore” I kept my expression stern as she wept, enjoying her distress. “Come here” I pulled her roughly across my knees, and dragged her jeans and panties down, and then spanked her,hard, with the flat of my hand four, five, six times. She squealed with each blow, and when I was finished she was sobbing. “You must understand me, Karen, that from now on you will dress. It lit up ideas and thoughts and feelings and experiences and emotions that I hadn’t ever processed. They were all piled up in forgotten corners, gathering dust until Liz shone her light onto them. It was too much! I wasn’t ready to see those things yet. I wasn’t ready to deal with those things yet. I closed my eyes to shut out the light. It wasn’t enough! My flimsy eyelids couldn’t stop her light from pouring into my head. They just turned the light a pinky-red sort of color. I squeezed my eyes more tightly closed. I leant forward and wrapped my arms around Liz, putting my head over her shoulder so she couldn’t see into my eyes anymore.Liz hugged me back.Mum was saying something to me, but there weren’t any words. There was only noise.Liz licked her lips and squeezed my hand. She looked earnestly at Dad.“The thing that Bec has, is it the same?”She hadn’t asked if I was sick. She knew I was sick.I wondered how she knew.I wondered if I knew.Of course I knew.I wondered how I knew.“Does.
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